A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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