sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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