Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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