If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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