his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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