At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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