you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
