Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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