i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
