Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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