the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
