Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
