I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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