She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
