went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
