I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I FOUND THE LEGS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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