Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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