so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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