I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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