Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
