chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im part way to drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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