About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
