It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
