I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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