you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
