She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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