Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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