i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
