She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
