Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
