He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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