I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
