My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
