last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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