I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
