I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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