Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
