Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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