the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have aggressive nipples.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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