and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
