Sry I called you an 8
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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