Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
