If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
