Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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