dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
