my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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