So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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