i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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