Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?