Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back