Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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