I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out