sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"