i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
