Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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(407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk

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(419): View more from Ohio

How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?

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(419): How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles? http://tfl.nu/1dpq

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(720): View more from Colorado

Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

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(720): Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong http://tfl.nu/wxwn

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(714): View more from California

He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher

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(714): He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher http://tfl.nu/npc9

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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(717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef

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(503): View more from Oregon

After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

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(503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v

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(817): View more from Texas

Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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(817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

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(403): the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask. http://tfl.nu/zsyi

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

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(+44): He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning. http://tfl.nu/9kly

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(956): View more from Texas

He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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(956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2

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(713): View more from Texas

I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.

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(713): I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester. http://tfl.nu/tak8

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.

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(503): Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination. http://tfl.nu/nd2x

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(443): View more from Maryland

I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?

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(443): I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible? http://tfl.nu/lb2v

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(404): View more from Georgia

Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.

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(404): Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams. http://tfl.nu/pssg

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(703): View more from Virginia

Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

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(703): Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up" http://tfl.nu/thd5

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