I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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