no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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