So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Floor bacon is actually really good
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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