So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
