how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
4 words: hood of his car
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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