So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
