There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
