How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
