In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
