North Korea, Best Korea!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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