i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
