Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
