I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
