90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
