I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
