Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
