I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
