lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
