I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
