You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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